Chasing Fairytales: The Pitfalls of Pursuing Perfection in Relationships

A Fairytale Beginning

Once upon a time, in a world deeply influenced by movies, books, and the romantic pursuits of our favorite characters, we began our search for the perfect relationship. Many people have grown up with the dream of finding their “one true love,” complete with intense passion, heart-fluttering moments, and a love story fit for the big screen.

However, reality has its own script.

Eric Schleien discussing the dangers of pursuing perfection in relationships. From the myths of perpetual passion to the pitfalls of the 'grass is greener' mindset, understand the true essence of enduring love beyond fairytales.

The Myth of Perpetual Passion

It’s not uncommon for the beginning of a relationship to be characterized by a potent cocktail of emotions and inten

se attraction. This phenomenon, often labeled as the “honeymoon phase,” is characterized by the desire to be physically intimate frequently, continuous thoughts about our partner, and an overwhelming feeling of being ‘in love.’ But as with all things intense, it eventually plateaus or diminishes in magnitude.

This transition is natural. If the intense passion and attraction persisted indefinitely, it could interfere with our ability to function in other areas of life. Yet, many misinterpret this decline in passion as falling out of love, leading them to question the validity of their relationship.

The Grass is Greener Syndrome

When the initial thrill fades, some individuals start to look elsewhere, thinking perhaps there’s someone better out there. This “grass is greener” mindset stems from the mistaken belief that someone else could offer a perpetual honeymoon phase. But here’s the reality check: Every relationship, no matter how passionate at the start, will face this transition. Jumping from one relationship to another in search of that eternal flame is a never-ending quest.

Chasing Dopamine: The Modern Relationship Trap

In the age of dating apps and easy connections, we’re constantly presented with potential new partners. The initial excitement of meeting someone new releases dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. As we continue to seek these ‘hits’ of dopamine, we might find ourselves trapped in a cycle of short-lived relationships, mistaking the rush of new attraction for genuine love.

However, real love is much more than just a rush of dopamine. It’s about mutual respect, understanding, compromise, and growth together.

Beyond the Fairytale: Embracing Real Love

True love is far from the fairytale notion of perfection. It’s about two imperfect individuals coming together, navigating the ups and downs of life, and growing stronger because of it. It requires patience, understanding, and effort.

Instead of seeking eternal passion or jumping ship at the first sign of calm waters, here are some steps to nurture a loving and fruitful romantic relationship:

  1. Open Communication: Discuss feelings and concerns with your partner. Understanding each other’s perspectives can bridge gaps and strengthen bonds.
  2. Stay Committed: Relationships take work. Invest time and energy in getting to know your partner at a deeper level.
  3. Seek Counseling: If you feel stuck, couples counseling can provide tools and strategies to navigate challenges.
  4. Rekindle the Flame: Keep the romance alive through regular date nights, surprises, and spending quality time together.

In conclusion, the pursuit of a fairytale relationship can blind us to the beauty of real, enduring love. Instead of seeking perfection, let’s value depth, growth, and the journey of two souls merging their stories together.


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