Judgements And Lightning Strikes
99% of people in my life, when they say they’ll do something, they just do it. Then there’s the 1%. The 1% of people who will break their commitments the moment they feel uncomfortable. All my friends are smart, so their justifications are VERY convincing to the point I sometimes need to ensure I don’t get enrolled in their justifications.
Holding People Accountable
Every single person in my life knows I hold them accountable out of my love for them and out of my love for honoring our relationship. I have no problem intervening when people are being flakey. Flakey people will accuse others of being pushy. It’s a form of avoiding taking responsibility. It’s like you said you’d do X. You didn’t. I’m following up because you flaked and nothing is happening. Then it’s either, thanks for the reminder, I’m on it OR “fuck you pushy motherfucker” (some form of that).
An Interaction From Last Week
Last week, I heard a new one:
Me: Want to come to event X?
Person: No, I’m not into that kind of stuff. Plus that group is associated to Y.
Me: Actually they aren’t associated with Y. Here is who is associated with them though.
Person: Fuck you, stop lecturing me.
I Used To Hold Myself Back To Avoid Looking Bad
I used to hold myself back when I was younger because I always wanted to please and appease everyone, I wanted people to like me, and I would share myself fully with the world.
Being Judged: It’s Not Personal
Everyone says they want to, but very few people do. It means on occasion you’ll get called names. This week I was also called “weird” and then gave me some unsolicited coaching (aka bullshit domination) on how I clearly haven’t come to terms with the way people view me (because in this person’s world, their view about me…and then of course all the evidence they collect to validate their view from other people…aka seeking group agreement), their view is the view that EVERYONE has about me.
People’s Reactions: It’s Not Personal
Anyway, no other point to sharing any of this than to say that people’s reactions to you aren’t personal. It’s about as personal as being struck by lightning. Yes, it can suck. Yes, it can be annoying. Yes, it can even hurt you. However, it’s not like the lightning doesn’t like you. The weather just threw a thunderbolt and you happened to be there. End of story.
Not Caring Doesn’t Mean Not Caring: Get it?
As long as you’re being honest with yourself (otherwise that first statement can be used as a justification to not give a fuck about others which is totally NOT the point) – lighting will strike. People will reaction and spew their identities on you. It’s just what people do. All you can do is make space for it and keep being great with them and never being enrolled in their bullshit.